Why does EMDR help Adult Children of Narc Parents?
Hi, I’m Michele Ross, LCSW, a trauma specialist in Los Angeles with over 25 years of experience.
I help clients who are dealing with how their past affects their present. Whether you experienced childhood trauma, dysfunctional family systems, or are an adult child of a narcissist parent, I can help you to feel more connected to yourself and others. It is possible to get “unstuck” and transform how you experience the world.
If you’re in the Los Angeles or California area, contact me here to set up a FREE 15-minute phone consultation.
EMDR and Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents
Before we look at the WHY and HOW of how EMDR can be a helpful treatment for some people who grew up with an immature parent, it’s important to clarify what EMDR is.
What is EMDR?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s an evidence-backed therapy that has been utilized in trauma treatment for decades.
While it may sound strange, research suggests that eye movements can help the mind process traumatic memories, and move beyond them to reduce associated distress.
When facilitated by a trained EMDR therapist, EMDR is known to treat PTSD and some trauma-related anxiety and depressive symptoms. There is even emerging evidence for this treatment helping other conditions, such as phobias and chronic pain.
It’s important to note that while EMDR is a well-supported treatment for PTSD and has also been used for childhood trauma, it isn’t universally effective and individual responses will vary.
EMDR & The Psychological Symptoms of Adult Children
Next I’ll walk you through the symptoms many adult children of narc parents face, and how EMDR can be of support.
EMDR can soothe fear, anxiety, and hypervigilance.
Your parent may have caused you to walk on eggshells when you were around them. You’d do anything to avoid upsetting them. This constant evaluation of your environment from childhood can carry into your adult life as hypervigilance and deep-rooted anxiety.
EMDR has been shown to significantly reduce trauma-related anxiety in adults. In studies, participants often report reductions in hyperawareness, intrusive symptoms, and fear.
EMDR can help you to better clarify and express your emotions.
This therapeutic approach is often experienced as helping emotions surface and be processed, rather than staying numbed or pushed down.
As a child, though, you might have been trained to dismiss your emotions, especially if they were invalidated by your narc parent. Over time, these emotions can get stuck and fester.
EMDR is designed to help people better understand their feelings, connect them to past experiences, and reprocess. Over time, you’ll be able to tell when an old belief initiated a way of dealing with an emotion, and instead choose a healthier pathway.
As a 2024 meta-analysis found, EMDR “...facilitates associative learning, allowing patients to form new, adaptive connections between past experiences and present emotions, which is crucial in restructuring maladaptive thoughts.”
EMDR helps to repattern your thoughts
This means that you can start to see and believe the good things about yourself.
One reason growing up with a narcissistic parent can be challenging is that they constantly put down your accomplishments in such a way that you never feel good enough.
EMDR has been associated with decreases in negative beliefs related to trauma, and some studies show these gains can persist past treatment. EMDR helps you to target both distressing experiences and the resulting self-belief.
EMDR therapy can help shift negative, trauma-linked thoughts towards more balanced and realistic beliefs. This may support greater confidence over time.
Why EMDR is such an impactful treatment choice for moving beyond a narcissistic upbringing
EMDR is an evidence-supported type of therapy that can help reduce the symptoms of trauma. It has the potential to reduce negative self-beliefs and support emotional processing – both of which may be beneficial for adults who grew up with a narcissistic parent.
While EMDR is one option within a broader treatment toolkit, when combined with other focused therapies it can play an important role in addressing traumas that come from complex family dynamics.
If you recognize yourself in what you’ve read here and are curious about whether EMDR might be a good fit, you’re welcome to reach out and schedule a consultation with me here.
Together, we can explore your history, discuss your goals, and decide on a pace and treatment plan that feels workable and balanced for you.
Further Resources for Adult Children of Narcissist Parents:
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: The Journey to Healing as an Adult
Claiming Independence from a Narcissistic Parent: Understanding Enmeshment
