Addiction and Your Attachment Style: What We Know
Have you noticed a pattern in your addictive behaviors?
No matter what addiction looks like for you, you might have noticed that it often shows up when you’re experiencing some kind of stress in your life.
Stressors don’t have to just be from work or being too busy. Stress can also come from loneliness or not knowing how to connect with others.
One of the key components to shifting addictive behavior is understanding why you search for relief in the first place.
Research increasingly shows that many addictions have a strong connection to how we learned to attach to people when we were young, and the outcomes of how we were met with our needs.
Put simply, addiction can be a signal of unmet relational needs, early wounds, or a way of soothing yourself when you feel on edge.
Hi, I’m Michele Ross LCSW, an addiction therapist in Los Angeles. I have over 25 years of experience as a therapist, including serving as Clinical Director at an addiction treatment center.
Read on to learn more about attachment theory and addiction.
Attachment Theory
Attachment theory was developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. They found that the way we form bonds with caregivers in childhood shapes our relationships for life (Cleveland Clinic).
Attachment is classified into two main styles:
Secure attachment: You tend to feel at ease when you depend on others. You feel comfortable asking for help and trusting others.
Insecure attachment: You don’t feel at ease when in relationship with others. You may want to push people away, or you may cling to them, or a combination of both (Gottman Institute).
Insecure attachment can arise when your caregivers in childhood were emotionally distant or unpredictable. You may have learned to push aside your own needs, or you may have been told that your needs were “too much.” While you wanted closeness, you also experienced getting hurt and want to avoid that pain.
What Research Shows on Addiction & Attachment Styles
Studies show that people with insecure attachment styles have a higher risk of addictive behaviors from gambling (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10175436) to social media use.
Essentially, when it’s hard to trust people, we can turn to other behaviors that reliably “show up” for us when we’re in pain.
The scientific community has conducted various studies on attachment and addiction.
Here’s what we know:
Insecure attachment in childhood predicts later substance-use problems (sciencedirect).
When attachment is repaired or strengthened through therapy and other experiences, addiction outcomes tend to improve (frontiersin).
Addiction as a Coping Mechanism
It’s important to know that addiction isn’t a moral failing on your part. Instead, it’s something that you developed in order to feel calm, to deal with overwhelm, and to feel at ease when your relationships feel uncertain.
You might find yourself more likely to lean on addictive behaviors when:
You’ve been criticized, rejected, or misunderstood
You feel alone, angry, or ashamed
You lack a support system – or don’t feel comfortable asking others for help
When these experiences show up in your life, you may start to lean on substances or behaviors to be your source of comfort.
In other words, they become your “attachment figure,” constant, predictable, and comforting – even if it comes at a cost.
To be clear: I don’t mean that your addiction is necessarily the fault of those who raised you. Instead, I’m saying that your nervous system is doing its best with what you have to work with.
Luckily, your relational model can be updated with the support of a therapist.
How therapy can help you rewrite the story with addiction
In my work with adults, attachment-informed therapy helps people to:
Understand their relationship to substances and behaviors
Notice patterns in your current relationships
Build a secure base with me in our sessions, where you can practice asking for what you need, experiencing vulnerability
Recognize what activates your addiction – and responding with intention over impulse
Therapy allows for you to discover new ways to relate to yourself and others. Over time, you won’t feel compelled to rely on harmful behaviors to feel at ease.
Addiction Therapy in Los Angeles
If you’re ready to make a change, reach out to me here to see if we’re a good fit.
My priority is to create a space where you can feel seen, understood, and begin to trust that support is available to you.
If you’ve noticed that loneliness or rejection are triggers for addictive behaviors, we can work on your story together. You don’t have to face addiction alone.
